Why It Has Nothing to Do With Performance
Recently, while assisting with an immersive three-day Tantra training, I witnessed women reconnecting to themselves through movement, breathwork, conscious touch, and active meditation.
And it struck me how rarely most women are given the space to explore themselves in that way.
Because we’ve been taught that if we just become more…
— more attractive
— more confident
— more magnetic
— more feminine
…everything else will fall into place.
So much energy can go into being liked, wanted, attractive, or easy to love that we slowly lose touch with the parts of ourselves that feel most alive and real.
Those parts often remain unexplored because life has taught us to manage ourselves instead of fully inhabiting ourselves.
Your erotic essence lives in the parts of you that feel most alive—the moments when you feel fully yourself, uninhibited, and deeply connected to life.
And for many women, reconnecting to those parts requires an excavation.
It requires shedding the layers we built to feel accepted, safe, and lovable.
Over time, we become so used to managing ourselves that we barely notice we’re doing it anymore.
We dress in ways that feel safe.
We apologize for taking up space, having needs, expressing desire or speaking too directly.
We tone ourselves down in conversations, relationships, workplaces, and spaces where we fear being “too much.”
Reconnecting to those parts of yourself often takes you back to a version of you that existed long before all the self-monitoring began—the girl who laughed loudly, became completely absorbed in what she loved, danced because it felt good, and could lose herself in something without wondering how she looked while doing it.
The moments that reconnect us to our erotic essence often happen when we stop managing ourselves and lose ourselves in being fully alive.
Dancing for hours and forgetting anyone is watching.
Singing loudly in the car with the windows down.
Laughing so hard our whole body shakes.
Getting lost in conversation over candlelight and wine.
Wandering through nature with nowhere to be.
Because in those moments, we stop performing and start fully inhabiting ourselves again.
For me, dance is one of the experiences that brings me back to myself.
Dance is not my erotic essence.
It reveals it.
Through dance, I feel expressive, alive, uninhibited, and deeply connected to my own sensuality — it’s one of the experiences where I feel most erotic.
That feeling doesn’t come from trying to be anything.
It comes from becoming so fully immersed in the experience that I stop thinking about how I’m being perceived.
You do not have to become more to uncover your erotic essence.
It emerges naturally when you begin paying attention to the parts of yourself that awaken when you feel fully present, deeply engaged, and at home inside your own experience.
And when you begin living from that place—when you reconnect to the parts of yourself that feel vibrant, expansive, and fully engaged with life itself—it changes the way you connect.
— The way you love.
— The energy you bring into a room.
— The way you allow yourself to be seen.
You stop defining yourself through other people’s approval and begin recognizing who you are through the moments that make you feel most alive.
Your erotic essence is your life force, the most untamed, fully inhabited version of you.
PS. - This week I invite you to reconnect to your erotic essence using these journal prompts
- Before you became so aware of the gaze of the world — and of yourself — what were you like? What words would have described your uninhibited self then?
- What activities, experiences, or moments make you lose track of yourself in the best way?
- What parts of yourself have you quieted, or fully abandoned in order to feel accepted, lovable, desirable, or easy to receive?
