Having Sex Is Not The Same As Knowing Yourself As A Sexual Being – Why This Distinction Changes Everything
Somewhere in our late teens and early twenties, most women begin their sexual journey, but for many, discovering themselves as sexual beings comes much later.
When does this discovery begin? Often, it’s when her body begins to ask for more. When what she’s doing no longer lines up with what she longs to feel. It’s the first time she asks herself:
"What Do I Want? What Turns Me On? What Ignites Me? What Do I Want Pleasure To Look And Feel Like?"
For so many women, their experience of pleasure has been tied to a male partner’s arousal cycle, their turn-ons, their pace. While she may find some fulfillment there, eventually her own needs and wants begin to speak louder. A longing builds inside her; one she can no longer ignore.
Sometimes, after a long-term relationship ends, women finally begin to explore what they want and what pleasure means to them. What it looks like can be very different from what they experienced in the relationship. Why? Because now they take ownership of their pleasure. For the first time, it belongs solely to them. Along with greater sovereignty comes a gradual awakening to their bodies. They begin to entertain desires they may never have allowed themselves before.
When a woman expands beyond sexual activity into a deeper relationship with her body, her desire, and her pleasure, something changes. She embraces herself as a sexual being when she moves from meeting someone else’s needs to honoring her own. When she not only allows desire but explores it, when she listens to how she wants to feel rather than what she needs to do, when she claims her pleasure not as a fleeting indulgence but as the very core of her vitality, health, and spirit.
Meeting yourself as a sexual being is not about performing or pleasing. It is about cultivating a relationship with your body that is intimate, curious, and embodied. A relationship that anchors your pleasure as essential to your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. When a woman chooses to meet herself here, she is no longer living the sex she ended up with, but the pleasure she was always meant to experience.
This Week I Invite You To Gently Explore Using These Journal Queries.
- When I think about my sexual experiences, how often have they been about meeting someone else’s needs rather than my own desires?
- If my pleasure belonged solely to me, what would I want it to look and feel like?
